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This is for God’s glory.

In these past few weeks God has been teaching me the importance of just being with Him, leaning up against Him and listening to what He is trying to tell me. I was getting caught up in doing ‘good’ and I wasn’t taking the time to reflect on what God has done, is doing and is trying to tell me. I was focused on the Rugby team I help coach, the schools we were going to and doing assemblies in, and the girls clubs we were running and whether or not any of it really was making a difference. I was frustrated and homesick and there were many tears because when you get caught up in doing ‘good’, you can never be good enough.

God has used other people to say something to me that He wants me to understand. Oddly enough, they both have to do with Rugby. Rugby is a beautiful thing if you can appreciate it 🙂 I love Rugby as many of you know, but I honestly thought that I was done with the sport after my last year of high school. I had no plans to play it in University and certainly not in Botswana. I knew that God had gifted me in it more than just to be good at it because I have seen Him use me and use Rugby to draw others close to Him. I was talking to some of the other volunteers about this and Mirjam turned to me and said “So what makes you think you are done with it?” That question hit home. What does make me think I am done with it? I certainly wasn’t done with it when I thought I originally was because here I am in Botswana coaching a girls team. What if I’m not done with it? Then another God moment happened when I was talking to Craig Hynes and he was telling me that the Rugby season had started up in Canada and they have 65 girls coming out. I told him he should send some of them to me because I have a grand total of two girls faithfully coming to practice. His response? – “Enjoy the two.” I realized then that I had been so focused on and frustrated with the lack of girls coming that I wasn’t investing as much as I could have been into the two girls that were here.

About two weeks ago, I was sitting at our table in the staff house in the afternoon.  I was home alone and I was working on a Bible Study about the Armor of God. The question was to write about how all the different aspects of the Armor apply to you being in Botswana at that time. I had just finished writing about the Belt of Truth and I started crying.  I was homesick and confused and frustrated with so many things that were going on and I was asking God in another one of those desperate prayers why He has me here and what His purpose for me is. I was wallowing in my self pity when all of a sudden the song ‘Voice of Truth’ popped into my head.  But the only part I could remember was “And the Voice of Truth tells me a different story, and the Voice of Truth says ‘do not be afraid’, and the Voice of Truth says ‘this is for my glory’…” This is for God’s glory. I am not entirely sure how that is going to look yet, but God does and He is going to take care of it.

Finally I realized that I needed to take time to reflect on these last few weeks and to just be in God’s presence. I have taken the time to do that and I am in complete awe at what He has done, how He has used other people to say something to me at the exact time I needed to hear it, and how He works out the details. He knows exactly what I need way before I have any idea of what I need.

So, there are still many things that God is trying to teach me, and He has taught me a lot. He is doing it ever so gently with much more grace than I deserve and I can’t wait to see what He is going to do next 🙂

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